Asshole Kid: Walking, Talking, {Screaming} Infant on a Plane
Asshole Kid: Walking, Talking, {Screaming} Infant on a Plane! Have you been there? I was under some loco spell and I thought I would never (gasp) have a child that would misbehave on an airplane. Never! Then my third (and very final) darling child came into the world and stepped onto a plane. My first two children did quite well on airplanes. My mom lived out of state for a short while and we made many trips that year back and forth to visit her. Somehow (some way) the boys enjoyed it so much that we never had any issues with keeping them still, occupied, and enthralled by the flight itself. The would look out the window, make engine noises, walked up and down the aisle at {appropriate} times, colored, and played on mommy’s phone. (Balloon Pop)
Then came child numero three. They are all so different people say. No two alike. Individuality. Oh boy, were they correct. And the entire airplane was quite aware of their differences…all the way there and all the way back. Drinks probably should have been on me. And more than one.
I probably should have checked him in! Slightly more contained?
All was fun and dandy checking in. New scenery, new experiences, new fun things to climb into. My youngest and his brothers were obsessing over the planes taking-off and landing, loving all the attention from the many adults smiling at them and talking to them near the gate, and the bigger boys love that we allow them to chose a pack of gum for the flight, whereas they otherwise are not allowed to chew gum.
Asshole Kid(s): fully occupied with landing airplanes, little does infant know he is going to be trapped in one of those landing airplanes all too soon.
Then we boarded the vessel…
Asshole kid on a plane was quite enthralled with the cabin for about 3.5 seconds and then was desperately over it. Ok, I got this. I was prepped for this. Favorite book! (check). Crayons and paper! (eats the crayon and no interest in the paper). Snacks! (Eats the snacks.) This gets us to take-off. (Snacks gone. Unless I allow the kiddo to eat a ginormous-sized bag of fruit snacks.) Ok, more snacks! (check). Favorite toys. (check). Finally, we are at 10,000 feet. (ding, ding.) Favorite movie on tablet. (check). That lasts all of 7-9 minutes. (How long is this freaking flight? How long has it been. Oh good, 17 minutes. Flight is 2 hours. What next? What next?) Pass back and forth to daddy who is across the aisle from us. (This is a fun game).
And here is where is happens…said child is OVER IT and wants to get up; wants to walk! Seatbelt sign is still on. We are lightyears away from cruising altitude. And here comes the scream, the throwing their body all over the seats, the stiff back tantrum, the sweat on mom’s body from wresting the walking, walking, screaming infant! The louder the scream, the more the panic. (Thankfully we have chosen the back of the airplane. Could it be possible the engine noise is drowning out the wild screaming child? Doubtful.) And we’re up. Time to walk the aisles. Time to disobey the law. Seatbelt sign be damned. (Insert McJudgy thoughts here…you have your child walking the aisles before it’s safe!? Bad mom.) This is where my youngest flourishes: people! People paying attention to him, talking to him, and for those that won’t pay attention to him, he just keeps staring at them with the biggest, brightest smile until they do. He is persistent about his attention-seeking. His love for people (and animals) is quite special actually. We walk up and down the aisles about 745 times and then decide to hang out in the back of the plane. It feels like it may have been 45-60 mins. I check the clock. We are currently at 34 mins of flight time. 1.5 hours to go still. Mommy needs a drink. Start from square one? Favorite Book? (Nope). Favorite toys? (Nope). Crayons and paper? (Eat another crayon. Snack). Tag, you’re it, dad!
By the way, just for the record, I booked a NIGHT flight so the babes would sleep. His bed time is 7pm at home and we are brushing 9:10pm on decent. The kid is rallying from all the excitement. He is partying! Infant at the disco. Showing his night owl ways!
Anyone want to guess what happens 5 minutes before landing? You’re super smart! He falls asleep. Night, night sweet boy, aka Asshole Kid.
How it all started: https://gabandglitter.com/asshole-kid-am-i-allowed-to-say-that-out-loud/
Continuing the Asshole Kid Chronicles: https://gabandglitter.com/asshole-kid-in-the-wild-my-kid-refuses-to-walk-home/
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