Asshole Kid: Am I Allowed to Say that Out Loud?
Am I allowed to say asshole kid aloud? Am I allowed to type that? Am I allowed to THINK that? I have been going back and forth about writing a blog post about this for months! Years! I even went as far as googling if there was a book titled this already because I was surely going to write a book about my asshole kid.
Now let me preface this with, I have never and hope I will never call my kid an asshole to his face. He doesn’t need that kind of negativity in his head, but dang, the negativity is having a dance party in my head and I need to dance it out. And share! And find some people that feel me because y’all know that misery loves company. And mama bear is at her wits end! I love my kids more than words can describe. They are my life, my soul, my everything. And because they are so important to me, there is nothing more frustrating than them not being happy, joyful, and appreciative of life! These three kookie boys are everything to me.
Let’s be honest, how many people have already prejudged me as a bad mom for just titling this asshole kid. While some are thinking terrible thoughts about what a horrifying mom I must be, others are lifting their hands in worship because this mama is preaching their daily life. Sometimes we have asshole kids; sometimes we don’t. Sometimes it is all our fault; sometimes it is completely out of our hands. I think my asshole kid is a combination of all my fault and genetics.
My asshole kid came out screaming and kicking and hasn’t quit since. He throws massive fits, blames everyone under the sun for his behavior, and tells me daily that this is the worst day ever. Most of the time, ok, all the time, there is nothing funny about these tantrums, but in light of the situation, this mom needs to find a touch of humor within the insanity. (On a serious note, we are working with diet changes, amino acids, and family counseling to work on his frustrations, upsets, and sharing his feelings.)
How about we paint a picture of this morning and maybe (maybe not) you will agree: yep, asshole kid.
6:32am – asshole kid walks into the kitchen. He wants to know if we had FroYo last night. (He fell asleep on the coach before we had a chance to go.) No, we did not have FroYo last night, love. (Technically, we had ice cream because FroYo was closed. No need to share the tiny details with him because I can tell already he has woken up on the wrong side of the country, let alone the bed.) He asks again about if we went. This time the squeal and whine has taken residence in the air and he is getting heated. The time has not passed on more than a few minutes, but he is beyond upset and frustrated that we may have gone to FroYo last night without him while he slept. I assure him again we did not go to FroYo. Now he is whining in an octave that the neighbors could hear if they listened in, throws himself down on the ground, and is thrashing around on the floor all over FroYo he did not have. The kid has been awake for 5 minutes and the entire day is already ruined. It is the worst day of this life. (Per the asshole kid). Everything is so boring. (He has been awake for 5 minutes.) There is no way he is going to VBS today. (It is day 3 of summer VBS this week.) No one is nice to him especially not mommy. (Yesterday he had VBS followed by a marathon of swim time, mommy swam with him, made him special pumpkin muffins for breakfast, and the list goes on…)
Over the next hour he proceeded to whine and fuss about his underwear, the muffins being pumpkin and not chocolate from the day before, cereal (he only wanted a big bowl and not a small baby bowl), his shorts being too big, going to VBS times 100, a few more puffs about FroYo, and a few more exciting details I have to be forgetting. (Might I mention yesterday morning he woke up smiling, laughing, telling me I was so funny, and how much he loved VBS.)
Two hours later he has eaten, his mood has completely transformed, he loves mommy again, he wants to go to VBS, and the day just isn’t so boring anymore. Just another morning in the life of a 4-year-old asshole kid.
Anyone care to take a journey with me and my asshole kid? I love this handsome boy with every cell within my being. He’s funny, the sweetest cuddle bug on the planet, loves to play outside, get dirty, and snuggle his brothers, but dang, when he is in asshole kid mood, hot damn, we need a exorcism in da house!
**Asshole Kid is not limited to one of my children. I am sure all three will have their chance and day in the spot light. Asshole Kid is not limited to just my children. With permission of parents, we may feature multiple stories of Asshole kid.**
Hoping to start a feature of many Asshole Kid moments. Check out post #2 (https://gabandglitter.com/asshole-kid-in-the-wild-my-kid-refuses-to-walk-home/) and stay tuned for many more! #momtherapy #comedicrelief